Dead Bob's Chaplain's Report 1-2001

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Chaplain Dead Bob's Words of Wisdom

January 2001

BROTHERS!

Today's sermon is brought to you by Crispy Cheddar-bran cereal. Fiber and cheese...together at last!

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a farmer who was continually optimistic and seldom discouraged. He had a neighbor who was just the opposite, pessimistic and gloomy.

The optimistic farmer would see the sun coming out and shout to his neighbor, "Look at that beautiful clear sky!"

To which the neighbor would reply "the hot sun will probably scorch the crops!"

Whenever clouds would roll in and much-needed rain would start to fall, the cheerful farmer would declare, "How wonderful to finally have some rain!"

While his gloomy neighbor would remark, "If it doesn't stop raining soon the fields will be flooded and everything will be washed away!"

One day the optimistic farmer decided to teach his neighbor a lesson. He bought the smartest, most expensive bird dog he could find. He trained it to do things no other dog could do. Then he invited his gloomy neighbor to go duck hunting with him.

The two men sat in a boat, hidden by a duck blind, and soon the ducks started flying in. Both men fired their guns and several ducks fell into the water.

"Go get 'em, boy!" ordered the dog's owner. The dog jumped out of the boat and proceeded to WALK ON THE WATER, picking up the birds one by one.

The farmer who owned the dog grinned proudly and asked his friend, "What do you think of that?"

To which his neighbor replied, "Can't swim, can he."

Gentlemen, the moral of the story is clear. Don't overlook the details. If you have a dog, for cripe's sake, teach it to swim!

Piratically yours,

Dead Bob


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