The Trial Of The Pirates

The Seafair Pirates (and other marauding bands from Seattle. Tampa, and Houston) lose been placed on trial at the Cayman Islands Pirates Week festival since it's inception seventeen Years ago. I have had the pleasure of directing everyone of these mock trials (and taking part) and have written all of them except two. These were written by my dear friend, DC Smith - your Captain Kidd whom is somewhat of a writer himself. (so he says!)

For those of you who have not visited our National Festival, Pirates Week. in Grand Cayman - it is held at the end of October and the week is in fact nine days! It starts with a Look-Out Dance and Fireworks Display on the opening Friday night to herald the Governor's Pageant and Pirates Landing the following afternoon. The Prates Week Governor is captured and the Pirates take over the town(s) for the remainder of the week.

We are very lucky in Grand Cayman which has a beautiful natural harbour (Hogstye Bay) nestled in the capital, George Town, where all the opening and closing celebrations take place. It is so picturesque and with the colors of the crowds (mostlv dressed up as pirates and wenches) Together with the two tall ships that take part plus the flotillas of small craft. the sight always takes my breath away. Our festival is nowhere near as big as yours but it is more spectacular!

But I have digressed... On the final Saturday, the pirates all rounded up, arrested. charged and brought to court where they stand trial to face up to their crimes of pillaging & plundering, etc .. (There is no molesting of women, they're too old!). Until last year, the Trial of the Pirates has been held on the steps of the Court Building and then (because this venue became too small) outside the Legislative Assembly Building (equivalent of your Senate). However. the venue was moved in 1999 to Hogstye Bay where a stage was built. This proved a great success as more people could see it and it was in the same area for the fireworks and dancing.

The Trial is most definitely fun. The court is ruled over by Judge Oswald Ard Earing with the prosecutor a flighty lady, Dame Pamela Smart and the defense by a tipsy lawyer Algy Holick. With other characters appearing for the prosecution and the defense with names like Prudence Isswilling, Fanny Posterior, Ruby Bare, Peach Blossom. Vitus Dance, Governor Luv DeLadies, and the pirates' arch enemy, ex-Govovernor Sir Archibald Archbottom, it is certainly very tongue In check!

The Pirates with a few exceptions are found guilty and are banned from Cayman's shores for one year to enable the whole thing to be played out all over again. Whilst the beginning and end are the same the plots are varied and often contain both local and international jokes and scenarios. One of the most memorable ones was during the O.J. Simpson trial when we had a bloody hook which didn't fit any of the pirates' hands, and a DNA expert who turned out to be Count Dracula. One year we had a special punishment for the pirates - they had to drink mannish water. This is a Jamaican delicacy with the main ingredient being goats testicles. We only had one goat so had to mix baby potatoes to disguise the two real testicles. I won't divulge to you the two happy recipients! in fact, obtaining the goat was a story in itself...

A friend Of mine obtained a goal from a farm On the other side of the island and borrowing another friend's hire car we went to get it. To our shock it was still alive and we had to transport it to the restaurant where it was to be cooked. We coaxed it into the car and drove off with it bleating in the back seat. It was obviously frightened and proceeded to divest itself of urine and other unmentionable matter inside the car. Driving with the window slightly open was the only way we survived without passing out from the horrible smell. When we got to the restaurant, the cook took one look at the goat and told us it was no use - it was female! Yes. we had to drive all the way back (a 45 minute drive) to return it and fetch a male one. I do not have to mention that this next creature was just as frightened as the first!

The friend's hire car was, I understand. returned to the rental company in a considerably worse state than any car has ever been.

This is my fourteenth visit to your Seafair and I look forward to many many more. I have some wonderful memories of Seafair and perhaps next year l can be allowed space to relate a few of them to you. - My dear friends. I am yours (yes all of me-)

His Grace. Colin Wilson.
Duke of Amberly,
Davy Jones XXXV.


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The Trial Of The Pirates PIRATES WEEK, CAYMAN ISLANDS

The Trial Of The Pirates
PIRATES WEEK, CAYMAN ISLANDS