H*I*M Davy Jones Diary

04/25/00 Today I’m to be interviewed by the future Captain of the Seattle Seafair Pirates. I’m hoping to become his Imperial Majesty Davy Jones. My memories of the Seafair Pirates are mostly clouded in fear. These guys really scared the poop out of me in my younger years. Cannon booms and scraping swords. I really, really must get a life.

05/03/00 I had my second interview for the Davy Jones position today. This time it was with the crew. The interview questions were a little odd? What was my favorite pirate movie? Do I have mud on my turtle? I really, really, must get a life. Unfortunately, I was accepted. Now what do I do? I have to get some pirate gear together, fast! Where is the nearest Pirates R Us store?

05/13/00 My first day dressed as a pirate, Picture Day. The pirate’s really turn out for picture day.

06/10/00 Today I went to a Seafair Pirate party. The party theme was 1930 mobster. There was antique guns and everything. The neighbors looked quite concerned. These guys really have an identity problem. What have I gotten myself into?

06/11/00 Today was my first official pirate function, Cheney Stadium. This was my first formal introduction to the amphibious Duck. Looked kind of old and rusty. Do they run this thing on the freeway? What if it rains. I could get wet.

07/04/00 The Fourth of July, my first parade function. I think I looked just fine in my new pirate duds. I should have broken in the new boots. Ouch that blister hurt!

07/08/00 Today was a very special pirate day. The Pirates Landing at Alki in West Seattle. This is the first day of the new reign DC Smith as Captain Kidd and I as Davy Jones. Ivars Fish and Chips for breakfast …I love fish and chips! The landing was great. There was tons of people and kids. The kids, they were thick as weeds at a dandelion convention. I received the key to the city from King County Executive, Ron Sims, standing in for that coward Neptune. Wow, I’m kinda important. We drove to Greenlake on the duck for the Milk Carton Derby.

As Davy Jones I ride on the top right seat of the duck. I was told this is second best seat on the duck. The Captain, on the left, has the best seat. Go figure, both seats are the same size and height. A couple of slaps in the face from tree limbs as we drove around Greenlake taught me why I was in the second best seat. I learned quickly to “duck” in the Duck. Spuds Fish and Chips for dinner? I have died and gone to heaven. Thank you Captain. I love fish and chips.

07/22/00 Boy did I enjoy driving down the parade route before the West Seattle/White Center parade before the parade started. We were a little late and the side streets were crowded. So we just drove down the parade route. Everybody loves the pirates, and we’re so modest too.

07/23/00 Today was China Town. Before the parade we were invited to a community festival. I was touched by the community participation and all the kids, thousands of them.

07/24/00 Went to Children’s Hospital and Ronald MacDonald House. This was a little difficult. Made me think how fortunate I have been with my own children. The University district parade brought back memories of my U of W years. I am more childish now than I was 30 years ago. It’s great to be alive.

07/26/00 Today we did the Greenwood parade. There was a big pirate controversy. The Greenwood district put a silencer on our little cannon; “It scares the kids.” From where I was sitting, for every child that was freighted by the noise, a hundred laughed and called for us to do it again. The world might be getting just a little too politically correct.

07/27/00 I love to cruise the waterfront and First Avenue in the duck. The tourist reaction to the pirates is priceless. This was the night of my banquet. I was the master of ceremonies of the Davy Jones Banquet. Most living (and I think a few of the non-living) past Captains and Davy’s attended.

07/29/00 Magnolia Parade – While driving to the parade in the duck, a car passed us. A woman passenger stood up and stuck the top part of her body through the sunroof of her car and yelled and waved her arms. She was so excited to see us driving down Western Avenue. She disappeared and came up again minus her blouse. Nice Bra! She disappeared again and came up with no bra. Wow, that is something you don’t see everyday. People do love the pirates! Each night as we came back to the hotel we would cruise First Avenue, Pioneer Square and Bell Town. Horns and sirens going. The people were spectacular! Being a Pirate is indeed minor celebrity status. I love these guys!

07/29/00 The night of the Torchlight Parade, the granddaddy of them all. It felt like it was our parade and everyone was there to see us. Wow there was a lot of people. I was on TV. I shot shotguns off in the middle of Seattle. I met the Governor. A cool day. Seafair is now over. It was such a rush. My Seafair highlight was the Lesbian Wet T-shirt Contest with the Pirates as the judges and the Seafair Clowns as the official “wet-down people.”

The “real“ Elvis was in attendance and the DJ was very concerned about all the water and beer coming of the deck getting on his music gear. This could have been a scene from Animal House the movie. Unbelievable!! Dear Diary, just in case my wife reads this, what I wrote is all a lie and done just to spice up this diary. It never really happened.

08/05/00 At the Lake City Parade I ran into my wife and kids today. I have not seen much of them in awhile. They are concerned about my second life with the pirates. I think she knows about the wet T-shirt contest.

10/25/00 The pirates went to the Cayman Islands today. I was going but got sick and had to stay at the dock. Actually, I went to Mexico and drank the water. Maybe next year.

12/03/00 Today we greeted special children before they went on a Christmas cruse for the Dream on Foundation. We then rapidly drove to another location and greeted different groups as they got off the boats. I found out how cold it can be when you drive around in the world’s largest convertible. My hands froze into a hook formation. How appropriate.

12/10/00 We went on a Christmas cruise on a Washington State Ferry with special children. We got to tour the pilot house and engine room. We hijacked the boat and drove in circles around Elliott bay. We looked for a rock to beach the ferry on because the pirates thought it would make great press. They don’t care what kind of press they just like seeing their faces in the paper. This was pretty special for all of us.

12/15/00 A night of Christmas Carols. One of my highlights of the year. The pirates were allowed to bring our wives. I enjoyed being allowed to share with my wife the feeling you get riding in the duck with “Big Wally” blowing and the siren going. Very, very cool and it was really cold also.

04/14/01 We haven’t done a parade in so long we did the Snohomish Easter Parade 3 times, just to get it right.

04/21/01 Four Daffodill parades in one day. As the day went on the towns got smaller & smaller but the enthusiasm grew bigger and bigger. Most of the day we followed a float with a bubble maker. I felt like I was living a Lawrence Welk flashback. This was a really long day. I just love America.

05/05/01 Picture day. Well it has been a complete year now and I will graduate to being just one of the crew.

I will miss being the pirate god, but I won’t be getting slapped in the face with tree limbs any more (I hope) — Because of space considerations this is only about half of the Seattle Seafair Pirates operations during the last year, but it does give you a flavor of what their schedule is really like. — I would like to thank Captain Kidd, DC Smith for helping me along the way. He showed me wonderful time.

Joel Smith,
Davy Jones XLVIII


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