When I was a candidate… Torchlight of 1997 the color guards from the New Westminster Police were in town for the parade and the pirates had talked about how well we could sing and drink. The plan was to have at least four candidates keeping these officers drinking since they were staying in the same hotel. We sang for the better part of two hours straight while enjoying the evening’s concoction. The next morning when I finally came too the officers bid us good morning and left the party room. • Big-Boat

When I was a candidate… I remember it like it was yesterday....wait a minute...it was almost yesterday. As the last official member to be voted in, I should be a lot clearer on my hazy memories of my candidacy. Truth be told it’s still all mostly a blur as I try to settle into my tenuous position as a member. As all my fine brothers remind me, I made it in by one vote (just like every other one). As far as they are concerned, I'm still a member on trial basis ready to be thrown back as soon as candidate lemon laws can be enforced.

I really should have had better sense when I spent my introduction night in a booster seat between the tables. It was comfortable enough as my wallet was trim after having been the first candidate to march in the tradition of buying a round with my incoming vote. Good sense should have made me run for it. Morbid curiosity kept me around though, and I don't regret a bit of it.

I came in and served my Seafair with one other candidate. Unfortunately, he didn't make the cut with me. This year we have five waiting to take their place in this hallowed brotherhood. They got it easy though...because WHEN I WAS A CANDIDATE... • Clap-Eye

When I was a candidate… we buried hidden treasure at Golden Gardens the night before Landing.

During my candidate year, several mates and I were given the duty of burying the treasure chest. We took a bottle of rum to the beach and waited for everyone to leave. At 2:00 a.m. the people were gone, but unfortunately, so was the rum.

We began to dig. We dug and dug and dug some more. When we were convinced that we were, in fact, halfway to China, we stopped digging. We stashed the treasure chest, covered it over and smoothed the sand. No one would know!

Later that morning the Pirates landed with great fanfare and expectation. The Captain asked, "Where's the treasure, boys?" We began looking around. Nothing was the same. In our (short) absence someone had raked the sand on the beach and moved the picnic tables (our landmarks!)

"Uh, Captain, we hid it real good." (We didn't know where it was anymore.) "We did a good job, Cap'n, we buried it DEEP!"

We began to dig. We dug and dug and dug some more. Then we dug another hole, and another hole, and another hole. Finally, we found the treasure, hidden no longer! My candidate year was fun, I’ll let ya know how fun the Captain year is, in the next issue • Dead-Ear-Dick

When I was a candidate… back in ’91, it weren’t as simple as it be now. No Sir, we had a tough life, we did. Why, I recall as there be only three ‘o us bottom-crawlers to handle all the chores and guard the rum and folk made sure we got ‘er all done too! I c’n rec’a’lect havin’ to swab ol’ Moby by myself every night wils’t ma mates prepped the kegs. It weren’t no easier fer them fellers neither. Why they was hustlin’ up ta crack the bar and get the eats laid out a’fore their betters got tired a’ waitin’ and started ta votin’ on folk. Yes Sir, all you bottom-crawlers got it a sight easy now. • Rifraf

When I was a candidate… During Seafair of 1978, Greg "Loophole" Lucas and I roomed together at the Roosevelt Hotel. On our free time we made plenty

of visits to the Magic Shop at the Pike Place Market for tricks and gags. We used them on every waitress wherever we went. Some weren't amused as we appeared to bend and restore their expensive silverware or appear to crush their water glasses or pass the salt and pepper containers thru the table, but mostly they had a good laugh of amazement, especially from Greg's slight of hand (Lawyer training).

We went up to a Capitol Hill Laundromat to clean the shiver out of our timbers. It was only us and one black lady in the place. Greg and I sat down at the table where she was folding clothes, and told her we could pass the flower vase right through the table.

We did.... she screamed, then laughed (I think), so we gathered our BVD's (Buccaneer's Vital Duds) and high-tailed out of there. • Red Paul

When I was a candidate I......Well, now that you mention it, I never was a candidate. There are a couple of ways of getting into this club and I took the easy way. As a Davy Jones I was an invited, honoree member. I didn't have to do any of the following:

As Davy Jones I was expected to be at every single Pirate function that year. But, happily, all I had to do was show up. • Joel Smith

On a warm August night in 1987 I was doing my part to make our community a little nicer by helping with the seating stands at the torch light parade. I was a Seattle Jaycee and had just turned 30 the month before. The parade was fun but when the Seafair Pirates came by the excitement of the festival became surreal. This was fun, the fun of childhood, casing your little sister around the back yard with hose fun.

Three days later I had a mysterious meeting with a large burly man who could scare most anyone with a glance. The meeting was arranged through Seafair and took place at a Denney’s booth on Aurora Ave. Butch was his name and it fit him like a sharp edge fits a knife. He talked of grit, determination, duty, loyalty, temper and steel character. All things I never associated with the Pirates. He talked of being a candidate, about being tested and watched, coached and prodded. Only those who can smile and laugh in the face of pain and in the face of scorn are able to be voted into the club. I really did not understand but desire to be more than who I was, and I was good, drove me to find out more.

It was Wednesday night of the following week I meet Butch again in a seedy south end bar. He marched me into a small smoky room filled with loud rough talking men who looked like cutthroat pirates even in their street clothes. Standing there I felt naked, laughed at; scorned. They demanded I explain myself, why did I want to be a pirate, what could I do for them and why should they take me on as a candidate? Dismissed from the room to discuss my fate I could hear their laughter. Being the butt of their jokes I wondered what the heck was I doing?

That year became one of the best, yet hardest years of my life. My time was theirs, all chores, all tasks required to keep the Pirate’s show going falls on the candidates. The rule is family, then job, then pirates. The reality for a candidate is pirates first, then job, then family. It was a time when Seafair was a week long not a month or more as it is today. It was a time when all pirates were required to move into a hotel together for the week of Seafair; for a candidate it was a 24/7 job.

The hazing never stopped, it lasted all year. Train your pet fish to do a trick… now eat it live!!! Raw eggs in bad wine we guzzled, warm raw runny oysters we ate, little rest and no complaints. One night after a long hard day of two parades, three nursing homes and a dozen pit stops I fell asleep in a chair in the hospitality room. I awoke to a beautiful woman stroking the hair on my chest only to find the Captain had placed loaded cannon between my legs pointed at my crotch. As he placed a full glass of red wine on my head he told me not to spill a drop. For the next hour pirate after pirate threatened to light the fuse and wench after wench teased me. I never filled a drop. After the fuse was lit it was then I found the cannon, was empty. Then came the chastity belt made from crab parts, it gave a new meaning to dancing at arms length. I was very popular with the local hornets. All candidates shared the same room, some handcuffed together by the captain. Can you imagine going to the bathroom that way or making out with your girl. It was funny to watch. The biggest scare was the threat of the Sea Hag. You know the toothless bar fly old enough to be your grandmother and scary enough to curl the paint off your car. The treat of having to be her boy friend was the end for me. No way!! I don’t care what you do Captain it ain’t going to happen. I must admit it was very funny!

Now you must be asking yourself why anyone would endure this. The answer is on the flip side of this pirate coin. Understand that the goal of the Seafair Pirates is to lighten the harts of those less fortunate, to bring smiles and laughter to children, to allow grownups to escape into childhood if only for a moment. Much of what we do goes unseen by the general public. In my first year we visited and entertained the sick and dying, the infirmed, children and adults. Have you ever visited someone imprisoned in their own body, terribly deformed, mentally and physically and made them laugh? Look into the eyes and make smile or laugh someone you know could be dead in week or a month; it’s hard. That year I grew more and did more real good than at any time in my life and yes it was also filled with fun. The smiles and laughter of beautiful children, the moments of joy, of youth and summer, that’s the great part of being a Seafair Pirate; a gift given to children of all ages. Next time you see Moby Duwk coming down the street know that I am coming for you, you had better run…. I have the hose!

There are those in our community that don’t understand the Seafair Pirates. They simply don’t get this type of “Salt of the Earth” charity work or the need of the pirates to release the pain they collect. That first year I looked the real hardness of life in the eye and laughed. Maybe you understand now, but if you don’t I will spell it out for you. The Pirates test the metal of candidates to see how they will deal with the hardness of life and the rejection of a segment of our community. Through this work I became a brother among real men. At the end of the day sometimes we laughed and or cried as brothers do; where no one can see us. It’s ok to make fun of ourselves and each other as long as we laugh, we have no problems.

I have been a Seafair Pirate for fifteen years now. Being a Seafair Pirate changes you, it makes you strong, sensitive and aware. Would I change anything…….NO. It has cost me lots of money, time and opportunities. I have endured the scorn of those who thumb their noses at what we do but I would not trade a day. One last thought, among the greatest ideas we give children is that they can face their fears. We come across scary and usually leave kids laughing. It is a life lesson worth learning. • Mark the Shark

When I was a candidate… I was asked the inevitable question; "what is your favorite pirate movie" and of coarse I blew it by not having an answer. But I still, amazingly enough, got accepted. So, picture day came around and of coarse it was a huge turnout. I was told one of the biggest in years. Needless to say I was put to the test and along with my colleague J.R. we were running around like pirates with our heads cut off. I was trying to get the DUKW ready for pictures and flying the flags. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry I flew the flags upside down and backwards. Ouch. I didn't hear the end of that for a very long time. Surprisingly enough they didn't call me “wrong way.”

Halfway through Seafair week, late one night, I made the grave mistake of going to my room to take a short nap. One of our members noticed that I was AWOL. We won't mention his name (Metal Man) But, he busted into my room, kicked me out of bed, skivvies and all announcing that he required drinks, and that I’d better man the bar. So, I tried to outwit him by pouring stiff ones. But as fast and strong as I could make them he could consume them all night long. So, needless to say - he lasted longer than I did. The moral of the story? Never go to sleep and never try to outdo a pirate. • Gary Bruggeman

When I was a candidate… I came aboard the Moby Duck with the pirates as Davy Jones XLIII in 1995 when the then Captain Kidd, Morie Lohre, was desperate, having been turned down by his first several Davy choices. It was one of those rare chances in life to experience a whole new persona and I grabbed it. I have never regretted a moment!

Let me tell you – one of the greatest things about being a Davy Jones is that you don't have to endure all the trials and tribulations of candidacy! I have watched (and, yes, eagerly participated in) eight years of the hell and torment we put our poor misguided candidates through, and I am not sure I would have survived. Many others have indeed washed out over the years.

Not that the boys made it easy on me, they never give any new hand, Davy Jones or candidate, much slack. In my role as Davy I was responsible for good weather on parade days and the consequences of a rainstorm was an unceremonious dumping in the nearest patch of navigable water - and I got wet more than once. Walking around in soaking wet gear with boots full of water is real fun, not.

But the whole idea of the good-natured hazing is to be sure that all prospective pirates can pass muster and hold up under a little pressure and adversity. As ‘Good Will Ambassadors’ for Seafair, all pirates must be good humored and be ready to tackle any and all challenges. I’m glad I survived and thrived as a Seattle Seafair Pirate, the greatest fraternity of wharf rats around! • Bloody Doug

When I was a candidate… our worst fear was knowing at any moment a vote could be called on us and we’d be gone.

1992, the “Little-Red-Hen” near Greenlake, Gary Khun is Captain, Gary Vance is MA. The Captain calls “5 minutes” to his MA. Being a nothing candidate, Captain Khun, (whom I went to high-school with) mentions to his MA that he saw me repeat his five minute warning. Suddenly I felt a very firm grip on my left shoulder. Gary Vance asked me if I was the #@!%&*! MA? As my knees shook I answered no. In an equally firm voice he said; “Then keep your mouth shut.”

To this day, although I long since made membership in this fine organization, I don’t call “5 minutes.” • Gary Williamson

When I was a candidate... As a past Davy I hear these pirates blubber and blubber about how hard it was, blah, blah, blah. Why, when I was Davy Jones, I attended every single appearance (well over 80) that year, and I ran for Mayor of Seattle. Throw in a trip to the Cayman Islands and Canada and that made it three countries and a run for public office. Now that's what I call busy! To this day, I have political leaders terrorized that the Seafair Pirate Plank Party will rise again. I may do it, only if I don't have to listen my brother pirates blubber. – Diamond Jim

When I was a candidate… a year that began in the fall of 1965. This is very unfair for a guy that can’t remember what he had for lunch, but we’ll try to reach back to when the City was much smaller and “politically correct” had not become a buzzword in our vocabulary.

We stayed at the old Hungerford Hotel on 4^th and Spring right in the heart of downtown where there was lots of foot traffic night and day and our hospitality room had a sidewalk entrance and our DUKW was parked right out side along with the three wheeler vehicles that were used by our Police escort that made sure we got through traffic and to our destinations on time. Did we party… and how! Can I tell you about it, ABSOLUTLY NOT! • Captain Hook Munsell

When I was a candidate… I had signed up with my shipmate, Bob Gazewood (alias Squiggy, Mongo, Dead Bob, Captain Little Kidd and a host of other handles). We both wanted to add a bit of adventure to our lives. Little did we know we would soon be Souca dancing with beautiful Cayman Island women and downing great quantities of Tortuga Rum while others abandoned ship in the face of approaching Hurricane Mitch. And little did we appreciate how much the Pirates really mean to the Seattle area. It's a lot of fun signing autographs for the kids and sharing a joke with seniors. Your candidate year is tough due the high expectations of the Pirates and the time commitment required, but a lifetime of good memories makes it all worthwhile. Aye! • Pop Wallace

f after all this you still think you might want to risk all on a life of piracy, be sure to check out our candidate application online at; www.seafairpirates.org.