Voters' Pamphlet Statement of
Jim "Davy Jones XLV" GUILFOIL

Style and dash must return to public office! That's why I, Davy Jones XLV, am running for Mayor. I firmly believe in the motto of my political machine, the Seafair Pirates Plank Party, "If you don't like us, take a walk!"

My issues are simple: Potholes, Privies, Parking and Patronage

Issue One: Potholes have taken over the Emerald City and the public outcry is loud and strong. As Mayor, I will aggressively attack the pothole problem by filling them with recycled fruitcake.

Yes, a giant recycled fruitcake drive will be launched to rid citizens of the beast that's been lurking around since the holidays. Admit it, nobody eats the stuff anyway! Fruitcake recycling centers will be conveniently located throughout the city for easy disposal. The City will then use these bricks of curiously indestructible concoction to fill our many potholes.

Issue Two: the debate around public toilets downtown has gone on for far too long. If elected, heads will roll at City Hall. This will be accomplished by mounting wheels on porta-potties and towing them behind the Seafair Pirates ship, The Moby Duck, up and down Fourth Avenue.

Issue Three: parking meters will be privatized to encourage competition. Enough with the ticket writing by the bandits in the blue and white scooters. If elected, I'm going to sell the rights to parking meters to the highest bidder, street by street. If you can get a better deal by parking on another street, then vote with all four tires.

Issue Four: patronage is back! What kind of pirate would I be if I didn't bring patronage back to where it belongs - the mayor's office. Patronage can do everything from filling potholes to filling jobs with "can-do" public servants. You got a cousin who needs a job? You come see me. Hey, patronage isn't just for the fat cats anymore. I'm a pirate of the people, and the more people I can help... Hey, as Jerry Maguire said, "help me, help you." OK, he also said ,"Show me the money," but you get my drift.

And finally, let's do something to improve the fashion sense locally. I will impose a new dress code for all police officers requiring them to wear sashes and daggers at all times.

If not now, when? Vote for Davy Jones XLV.

Campaign Address:
2410 25th Ave. West
Seattle, WA 98199
286-8469

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