| CLOWNS |
PIRATES |
| CRAIG
McCAW |
MARIA
CANTWELL |
| Formerly infallible wireless visionary becomes XO bozo
as net worth plummets. Currently seen driving jalopy around
Hunts Point with oversized "woo-ga" horn. |
Leading brigand of the Democratic fund-raising circuit,
onetime multimillionaire relentlessly plunders donors of their
doubloons and pieces of eight. |
| MONORAIL
BOOSTERS |
TIM
EYMAN |
| Delusional zealots of Jetsons-era mass transit
persist in promoting staggeringly expensive, unworkable
circus-ride apparatus guaranteed to inspire another
Simpsons episode. Hey bozos, elephants don't get stuck
in traffic either. |
Unapologetic Kitsap County looter of public donations
sails shamelessly back into the political fray, trains his
cannon on Sound Transit, and calls for the removal of tax on
men-of-war. |
| GREG
NICKELS |
JEFF
BEZOS |
| Rotund, ineffectual cream-puff mayor deserves cream pie
to face. Didn't even graduate from clown college. |
With accounting ledgers safely buried in a treasure
chest, Amazon's CBO (Chief Buccaneering Officer) leads his
ship to profitability. Again the Jolly Roger flies high over
PacMed. |
| RICK
BELLUZZO |
APOLO
OHNO |
| Lasted 14 months as lackey/coffee boy to Bill and Steve
in Redmond; currently seeking work as children's birthday
party entertainer under old stage name, Belluzzo the Clown
(specialty: balloon animals). |
Swashbuckling, earring-wearing speedskater absconds
with gold medal. Owns parrot. |
| GARY
LOCKE |
MILLIE
PADUA |
| Left alone in New Democrat big top, overshadowed by
glamorous wife, upstaged by adorable children, now left to
carry the shovel behind state House elephants. (What's that we
see through the greasepaint--a tiny clown tear?) |
74-year-old harpy of the seas pirates thousands of
dollars in day-stall fees from Pike Place Market traders;
sentenced to do penance in market stockade, where merchants
will fling fish at her. |
| PETER
BUCK |
SETH
WARSHAVSKY |
| Brought to trial on charges of in-flight
misconduct--overturning a breakfast cart, shoving compact
discs into a hostess trolley, and throwing yogurt--guitarist
Peter Buck successfully invokes the clown defense: "I'm not
high, I'm an entertainer." |
Continuing to out-sail creditors and the law, the
foul-mouthed cyberporn captain flees to safe harbor in
Thailand, where more fair maidens will be lured into his
nefarious schemes. |
| JOHN
MARSHALL |
RICHARD
HEDREEN |
| While his own tent sinks rapidly, inexorably around
him, doddering, bulbous-nosed P-I lifer takes pratfall
while attempting to prove himself a Cap Hill cool cat.
|
Corsair of the downtown business community attempts to
loot low-income-housing fund for luxury crow's
nest. |
| WAYNE
CODY |
DALE
CHIHULY |
| R.I.P. Jolly, child-friendly entertainer now eating
circus peanuts in heaven. |
Arrrrr! Scurvy brigand of Tacoma pillages municipal
coffers for his highway-spanning, laughably impractical,
tourist-trapping monument to self. Arrrrr! |
| GERTRUDE |
KNUTE
"SKIP" BERGER |
| Clown. |
Fierce, imposingly bearded public radio commentator
assaults NPR audience with salty language and ribald political
opinions. |
